FDA Approves Eating Cloned Humans

Artwork by Ben Jones


Written by John Langlois
From The Spoof

(Washington, DC) Following up its announcement that there is no difference in eating food made from cloned animals, the FDA today announced that there is no difference in eating food made from cloned humans.

"Look, protein is protein, a spokesman noted. It's not really cannibalism because these clones weren't really people. They were left-over embryos that we grew to the point that they had enough meat to make a good meal. It's just like eating veal."

When asked whether foods containing the clone humans will be labeled as such the FDA officials said, "This labeling crap has got to stop. People don't need to know what's in their food. They just need to trust the government. After all, we have families, too. We wouldn't let our families eat food that could hurt them."

When asked whether that meant their families were eating cloned humans, the spokesman said, "We can't really tell you what our families eat because to do so would threaten national security."

When asked why cattle companies would want to go to the expense and trouble of raising cloned animals one spokesman said, "Look, off the record, the gene pool has gotten so shallow that we can't even find healthy semen anymore. Between the rGBH, Dioxin, GMO corn and the confinement camps the cows live in, it's a wonder any breeding ever happens."

The FDA spokesman refused to comment on rumors that "flavored" clones would be part of the product offering.

He said, "We don't know anything about chocolate, vanilla or strawberry clones. But we do know that we will be able to offer "smoked, barbequed or extra-crispy."