Now

Sitting here wondering what to post.

I've been becoming more aware lately of all I don't know and how incomplete what I do know is. I want to do what I can to strive for peace and justice, but how do you do that?

I do know that violence asks for a violent response and usually escalates. I am contemplating the use of force, in defense and out of compassion, relative to force exerted out of hate and fear. It's obvious to me the damaging effects of the latter, I'm uncertain about the former. I guess anything done from a place of love, compassion and humility can't be "wrong". The challenge comes in knowing when one is acting from that place.

I just saw my youngest son leave home and move to Maui. The youngest of four leaving is a milestone. What a long, strange trip it's been. You would think I would reflect back and be proud of our accomplishments. I do think we raised some very incredible, aware children. But what I see is my short-comings. I especially have become more aware of the harm I have caused in bringing up children having my obsessive, addictive patterns permeating their environment. I don't feel guilt or shame though. I know I did the best I could with the consciousness I had. I know that life and it's human participants are not perfect. I believe that my children chose me as their father to receive what I had to offer, and that by facing their shortcomings, they will grow stronger, wiser and move closer to God. I know that I have taught them love, in my clumsy, self-centered way.

I have had an inner shift over the last couple of weeks. My ego has notably deflated and I have been filled with the Spirit. I feel a presence that is guiding and teaching me. I have relaxed into the faith that everything is perfect, right now.

I heard a story of Ram Dass sharing the following, paraphrased, "The pain and suffering in the world is as it's supposed to be. Ones desire to eliminate the pain and suffering and bring relief is as it is supposed to be also. If one has that desire one should act on it. The one who fails is the one who has that desire and does nothing".

Peace and I Love You,

Alan