The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3 abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7 lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored-mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
1 comment:
Thanks Alan. Not only for the yucks but for leading me to #15 which is about where I'm at. Seems as good as any opinion. But that's now. Tomorrow,,,,,. Now's where it's at, man.
Actually right now there are more squirrels on the roof than frisbees.
That's it. The soul goes into the squirrel, who is a decendent of one of the ones you shot as a "right of passage " in the midwest. Phil Jennings will become a cat.
Peace
Bake
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