I realized in my prayer and meditation that I had once again found a comfort spot, in my nicotine addiction, where I could sufficiently numb my feelings so I could "relax" and enjoy life. I knew the time was approaching, because when I prayed "May I do Thy Will always" I knew that it wasn't in His/Her ultimate plan for me to continue to pollute this beautiful creation called my body. I thought it quite ironic that I would pray that with my best intentions, then get up and light a cigarette.
I'm feeling past the physical withdrawals now but Saturday my skin was crawling. I knew it would pass, but at the same time I was in a frame of mind that wanted to think that I would feel withdrawal forever. This video is where my mind gets sometimes when I let myself feel the pain and frustration of Alan's life.
I ERASED THIS VIDEO WHICH EXPRESSED MY ANGER AND FRUSTRATION, TO CREATE A MOMENT OF SILENCE IN MEMORY OF THE 2000 AMERICAN SOLDIERS AND MANY THOUSANDS OF OTHER SOLDIERS AND INNOCENT CIVILIANS WHO HAVE DIED AS A RESULT OF THE U.S. INVASION OF IRAQ.
Peace, Alan
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