Thursday, June 29, 2006

Housing for the Homeless?

Here's what some rich folks are buying for their children to play in while the homeless and mentally ill are living in cardboard boxes or less. Reminds me of when I asked a former boss if he realized how much housing he could build with the $90,000 two seater Mercedes he bought as a second play car.
Luxury Playhouses

Le Petit Chalet $35,600

The ultimate playhouse and play set combination. Artfully detailed play structure is sure to inspire little imaginations to explore. It is made up of three balconies and three doors. The front balcony includes a flower box, side balcony includes a climbing wall and rope net ladder, and the back balcony includes a turbo tube slide. The side wall features a Dutch door and ladder that leads to window and door. The roof is cedar-shingled, waterproof with hand-carved flowers on all sides. We recommend the play area to be 23'L x 36'W to allow for runaround and fall room on all sides of structure. Bark chips are recommended for fill material at a minimum of 9"-12" depth. This item is custom made especially for you upon order. Click here for our policy on custom made items and returns. Some assembly is required.

Dimensions: 11'L x 15'W x 13'H
Ships In: 12 Weeks
Ship Method: Call for Shipping
Product ID: 2754

I Surrender, Bend, Dissolve, Re-form but........

I'm on a slow internet connection and cannot test the videos for my site. I know this does not show video but the music should be fine. It is a new song of Bonnie's that I love and identify with strongly. Wonderful happenings here in Ohio as I accept, surrender and allow my ego to dissolve.

Monday, June 26, 2006

What is Heaven Like?

I'm involved in some very personal inner work right now, so I will give you this joke today. Enjoy.

A couple made a deal that which ever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life. Her biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.

Mary ... Mary ....

Is that you Fred ?

Yes, I have come back like we agreed.

What is it like?

Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bath in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty all afternoon Supper-then sex till late at night, Sleep then start all over again.

Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.

Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Texas .

Report: 50,000 Iraqi Civilians Dead Since Iraq Invasion

As we enjoy the fruits of our privileged lives in america, please be aware of the effects of them:

An investigation carried out by the Los Angeles Times has concluded at 50,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed since the start of the Iraq war. The number is equivalent to the killing of some 570,000 Americans over the same period. Other studies have put the toll at far higher. In 2004, a John Hopkins study published in the British medical journal the Lancet estimated the Iraqi civilian death toll at over 100,000. That number was considered conservative because it excluded the toll in Fallujah – one of the hardest hit cities of the invasion. The Los Angeles Times’ estimate was based on statistics from the Baghdad morgue, the Iraqi Health Ministry and other agencies. Their figure is at least 20,000 more than the Bush administration has publicly acknowledged.

(from Democracy Now)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Wheels On Fire

Here is the report from Salt Lake City, complete with video of the infamous Salt Lake City bus fire. If you look closely in the video you will see me, closest to the camera in the first shot of the passengers, with my faded red cap on and yellow and black back pack.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Whew, What a Trip

Whew!! It's been quite a trip. I left Carmichael Tuesday afternoon and arrived in Columbus Ohio Friday morning about 4:00 A.M. It's been a trip of incredible meetings, tests of patience and opportunities for being present, accepting and surrendering.

There was a group of young men on the bus when I boarded. They were launching into sales careers, were on their way to Detroit for a sales training and were so excited. A man was sleeping behind me who woke up towards the end of the trip. He woke up, heard them talking and began to tell them what a superstar salesman he was. He was "making thousands of dollars a week practically giving away his product." I was very suspect of his story to say the least. The young men were very impressed. We pulled into Reno (photo above from front of bus station) and SuperSalesman was right in front of me as we exited. Two steps off the bus, two plain clothes cops approached him, said "hello", then said "you know why we're her right?" SuperSales looked resigned as the slapped cuffs on him and led him away. Made me wonder what he was selling.

I got about an hour and a half of sleep the first night. The Sun came up on the Utah desert. Very surreal traveling across the salt flats with the Sun rising. We arrived into Salt Lake City about an hour late. We were late from the time I got on until I exited in Columbus. We left Salt Lake City about an hour and a half late. The driver was driving about 50 mph and I was thinking we were not going to get to Denver today at this rate. He then announced that the bus wouldn't go more than 55 mph and we were going back to the shop. The next thing we know smoke I coming into the bus. We went around a curve, looked behind and a stream of smoke about 50 feet high was trailing the bus for as far back as we could see. The driver kept going as more smoke came in. I was about ready to tell him he had to pull over and let us out because it was getting very dangerous to be breathing that crap. Next thing we know the police are behind us with lights flashing and sirens going and we pulled over. A turbo had blown throwing oil into the hot exhaust system and igniting. The TV stations' news teams came and recorded stories and entertained one of the young salesmen, which was quite entertaining.

Perhaps the most profound part of the trip were the people I met. Most of the passengers were very kind, considerate and thoughtful. The first specific meeting was in Reno, after I had prayed, turning the trip over to God and realizing that what this trip was about was meeting people and being of service and of learning from those being in service to me. I met a man from Santa Cruz, thanks to my Banana Slugs T-shirt. He works in a group living home for autistic and schizophrenic young men. I mentioned how much patience that must take and how amazing it was for a man in his twenties. He proceeded to explain that it had nothing to do with patience but was all about total presence in the moment. I realized this was God speaking to me through him, reminding me of my focus for this trip. Letting go of plans and concerns and staying totally present in the Now to the best of my abilities. I have been reminded of that over and over since.

Then on the bus between Salt Lake City and Denver I met a man, carrying a drum. He was headed to the Rainbow festival. We talked about the Rainbow festivals, the love and light he experienced in the Rainbow community. He shared his beliefs and research about veganism and the polluting effects of meats and fats on the body as they build up plaque in the intestines. This conversation was stimulated by me commenting the double cheese burger I was eating was the first I had eaten from McDonald's in years, but that I was hungry for something besides my nuts and trailmix. This made me look at how slovenly I am in regards to maintaining my body and respecting it as the temple for God's presence that it is. I have a hard time becoming willing to make the changes I need to do for my physical health. He mentioned that there are three kinds of food; generative, neutral and degenerative and that we had a choice. And the nature of the food wasn't just the effect it had on our bodies but the effect it had on the planet. Raising cows is having a devastating effect on the environment. This caused me to reflect on my responsibility to the planet in the consumer choices I make.

Perhaps the most profound meeting was in Denver. We arrived in Denver five hours late. The staff was supposed to be making special arrangements to get us moving on since our scheduled bus had left hours before. The counter person was telling me the opposite of what I had been told, when I purchased it, about using my travel pass. I was starting to lose my patience and realized that was doing no good so I walked away to wait in line for over two hours. I asked the man behind me if he would watch my bags while I went out for a smoke and he did. Coming back from my smoke I prayed for patience and to stay present in the moment. I thanked the man and we began to talk about spiritual purpose, staying humble, the total surrender of our lives to God's will, our relationship with Christ, not being attached to desire and results. In the process God was once again speaking directly to me through him. He was organizing my focus and attention for this journey, and for life. I have had this kind of experience two other times in life, where out of nowhere, someone start speaking to me about precisely where I am at on my spiritual path with precise directions for what to do now. I sincerely believe that if I stay in humility, surrender and acceptance that my life will be guided in such a way continuously. I will be guided to how to be of optimum service to His will and purpose. I choose this path out of my own free will and I pray that I can be and remain worthy of the grace that so abundantly rains into my life.

I pray that all living beings experience peace and joy today.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

One for the Road

Launch is approaching

Here is a photo of my lover, my partner, my friend, my teacher, Ellen and me at Tilden Park, in Berkeley, the weekend before last. This was our last trip together before I take off.

The following is my introduction for my travel journal at the Hippie Museum site. I will be posting here at my blog also. Sometimes the same posts, but here will generally be postings of a more personal nature and of broader scope.

What's So Funny 'bout Peace, Love and Understanding? That's what Elvis Costello asked. That's a question I will ask those I come in contact with as I bus across america. I will be leaving Sacramento by greyhound at 4:10 tomorrow afternoon. I'll be cruising through the Nevada desert at night then Wednesday traveling through Wyoming and Colorado. Wooo Hooo, that should be beautiful.

I'm not a trained writer. As a matter of fact I have always been light on grammar, spelling and structure. I had to learn how to do that stuff for college, but it was quite forced. What I do is stream of consciousness. I get going and just let it flow. Sometimes it is rambling and probably doesn't make much sense to anybody but me. Sometimes it comes out short without much there. But, what I am writing for, are those times when something opens up and special thoughts, ideas, perceptions and insights come rolling out. I am often surprised by what comes, even though I am aware of the information, something beyond me expresses it in a way that can be informing, stimulating or maybe even enlightening. At least for me, I hope in sharing this with you that it will be meaningful for you also.

So, what am I doing? I'm leaving Sacramento, to Travel to Ohio and back. This is the reverse of a hitchhiking trip I took in 1969, perhaps the peak year of my hippie experience. I am looking for what is happening on the road now relative to then. I am looking for what is happening on my inner road now compared to then. The hippie experience was the birth of my awareness. It created the moral foundation for my lifetime. Out of that experience ideals emerged that I have nurtured at the core of my being. I found a universe in scope beyond my imagination. I found the power and life-force of living, playing and working out of Love. I found an intense desire for justice. I found an intelligence in nature that I was blind to. I found a connection with an intelligent, creative Spirit that has entered my life in many ways, sometimes subtle, sometimes dramatic. So, what I am doing is revisiting that place of discovery in me, that happened so long ago yet so recently. I'm looking for the truth in those experiences that have been shrouded by delusions and mystery. I'm looking for myself. I hope in so doing I might also help someone else, maybe you who are reading this, discover something more about yourself. The phrase "Know thyself" is so simple, but yet profound. It is perhaps the only reason we are here in these physical bodies, to have experiences that lead us out of the darkness and into the light.

It's 3:00 A.M. and I'm heading for my bed for the last time for the next 30 days. Sweet dreams and angels be with you, as I would say to my children every night at bedtime.

Peace and Joy,


Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm So Scattered...My Mind's in Tatters

My takeoff on the Rolling Stone's Shattered. Cute huh?

Well I'm getting things organized for my trip. I'm communicating with and tracking down people in Ohio. I home alone for the weekend, watering plants and feeding the animals. I'm focusing on my AA recovery aspects of the trip. And today was Fathers day, so I was on the phone a few hours with my children and Father.

Meanwhile I'm trying to get my launch posting for the Hippie Museum site. I will be reporting on my discoveries of america on the trip, relative to my hitchhiking trip across the country in 1969. I just can't get focused enough to do it.

So for today I'll share this photo from the Post Secret blog. I think it's good message for much of america's entranced population.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I'm Coming Home Dad.

UNITED STATES:A father and son in a car, 1958.
© Eve Arnold / Magnum Photos

I remember riding on my Father's lap and steering the car at about the same time. I was 10 years old at the time. I was so blessed to have had the childhood my Father helped provide for me. It was really special to grow up in a town of about 950 people where everyone knew and liked my Dad. He is a very kind man and cares for the wellbeing of all, possibly to his own detriment.

I regret that I was too self-centered to have given him more love and attention as an adult. I'm going to be visiting him in Florida in a couple of weeks. I want to spend some time together, truly getting to know each other.

I love you Dad.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Who's A Terrorist?

Terrorism Quiz.

By Lindy Greene

Information Clearing House

1) Which is the only country in the world to have dropped bombs on over twenty different countries since 1945?

2) Which is the only country to have used nuclear weapons?

3) Which country was responsible for a car bomb which killed 80 civilians in Beirut in 1985, in a botched assassination attempt,.

4) Which country's illegal bombing of Libya in 1986 was described by the UN Legal Committee as a "classic case" of terrorism?

5) Which country rejected the order of the International Court of Justice (ICJ) to terminate its "unlawful use of force" against Nicaragua in 1986, and then vetoed a UN Security Council resolution calling on all states to observe international law?

6) Which country was accused by a UN-sponsored truth commission of providing "direct and indirect support" for "acts of genocide" against the Mayan Indians in Guatemala during the 1980s?

7) Which country unilaterally withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile (ABM) Treaty in December 2001?

8) Which country renounced the efforts to negotiate a verification process for the Biological Weapons Convention and brought an international conference on the matter to a halt in July 2001?

9) Which country prevented the United Nations from curbing the gun trade at a small arms conference in July 2001?

10) Aside from Somalia, which is the only other country in the world to have refused to ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child?

11) Which is the only Western country which allows the death penalty to be applied to children?

12) Which is the only G7 country to have refused to sign the 1997 Mine Ban Treaty, forbidding the use of landmines?

13) Which is the only G7 country to have voted against the creation of the International Criminal Court (ICC) in 1998?

14) Which was the only other country to join with Israel in opposing a 1987 General Assembly resolution condemning international terrorism?

15) Which country refuses to fully pay its debts to the United Nations yet reserves its right to veto United Nations resolutions?

The answer to each question is .... ? The United States Of America

Getting Closer to Launch Time

This picture is of our garden about the time I was inspired to do this trip.

Next week this time I will be on a greyhound bus heading towards Ohio if everything goes as planned. I will be posting regularly here and at the Hippie Museum site. I am excited, curious and a little afraid. I will be leaving everything and everyone behind that I have been with since I came to California in 1976. I am curious to experience firsthand what people across the land are thinking and doing about such things as preserving life on this planet, creating "democracy" here in this country, learning how to truly love themselves and others and moving closer to their god as they understand him/her/it. Moving towards the light is maybe an easier way of putting it.

I have a project to finish here. Also later today Ellen and I will celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary, since we will be 3,000 miles apart when it actually is on June 21. What a long strange trip it's been. Our love has never been deeper or more true. Meanwhile we have let go of all expectations of how our relationship will manifest in the future as we both have much work to do bringing what we can to making this a more loving, healing and sacred World we live in. We are so different in personality but so similar in spirit.

Then she is off to a Spiritual retreat on Friday and I will be on my journey, although I probably won't physically leave Carmichael until next Tuesday. But who knows, once I turn it all over to my God I don't know where and when I will be led.

If you see me say Hello.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

What's Wrong With This Picture?

The Daily Dharma
from "Tricycle - The Buddhist Review"
June 10, 2006

The abandonment of religious virtue has left this culture aggressively antagonistic to the pursuit of the unknown, the unknowable, to the mystical realms of reality. The original enthusiasm for Zen in the United States was not just for personal discovery, but for the possibility of developing an appreciation for the unknown in an excessively cluttered society--it was an effort to break ground for new possibilities.

What we need to know cannot arise from what we know now; our liberation from personal and collective suffering must derive from what we cannot envision, what is beyond our imagination, even beyond our dreams of what is possible.

One day an American student asked a Japanese Zen master, "Is enlightenment really possible?"

He answered, "If you're willing to allow for it."

--Helen Tworkov, from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, Vol III, #3

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I'm Going Home

As I prepare to head across the country to my native Ohio, I have focused back on the Native American history of that region. American Indian history in modern times is dominated by the Northern and Western tribes. But, Tecumseh, perhaps the greatest leader, at the time of the European invasion, was born in what is now Ohio. Here is a brief biography of the great man.

This is from a website of Shawnee history and culture called Shawnee's Reservation.

Shawnee Warrior

It is believed that Tecumseh was born in 1768 in central Ohio. He was the second son of Pucksinwah, the Shawnee warrior who was killed at the Battle of Point Pleasant. In his dying breaths, Pucksinwah had commanded his eldest son Cheesuaka, to train the six-year-old Tecumseh as a warrior and to never make peace with the whites. Cheesuaka was as good as his word and excelled as both a warrior and a teacher, becoming quite close with his younger brother, and after their mother (Methoataske - "Turtle Laying its Eggs") moved to Missouri in 1779, acting as a surrogate parent as well. By all accounts, Tecumseh was a model child, and although it is claimed that he ran in terror from his first battle, his courage never faltered from then on. Tall, muscular, intelligent, and highly charismatic, Tecumseh proved to be a master tactician and an exceptional orator.

When Tecumseh was in his twenties, he and Cheesuaka made a number of lengthy expeditions, visiting other tribes and viewing the territory to the north and west of the Shawnees'. These voyages, considered a final rite of passage into the adult world by the Shawnee, introduced Tecumseh to other tribes and other traditions. One evening during their final journey together, Cheesauka serenenly predicted his own death the next day. That noon, he was fatally shot while storming a fort with a Cherokee war party. Tecumseh returned from this sad trip in 1790 and joined up with his adoptive brother BlueJacket in the fight to preserve Shawnee territory from the white settlers. In battle, Tecumseh demonstrated his strength, skill, and leadership ability, while in council, he demonstrated his firm opposition to any concessions to the whites. He soon developed a circle of equally militant followers, including his younger brother, Tenskwatawa. (The Shawnee Prophet)

Tecumseh's boycott of the treaty conference at Greenville resulted in a serious break with Black Fish's replacement as the principal chief of the Shawnees, Catahecassa, or Black Hoof. Tecumseh and his followers went to Deer Creek in western Ohio and in 1795 founded a village made up of Native American warriors linked by their militancy, not by their tribal affiliation.

Although Tecumseh is generally revered by Shawnee today, many of his followers were not Shawnees, and many Shawnees at the time viewed him as a troublemaker and an upsurger of tribal authority. Techumseh's unique achievements sometimes blind students of Shawnee history to the fact that at the time there were three main groups of Shawnees: the Shawnees in Missouri, the Shawnees under Black Foot in Ohio, and the relatively small group of Shawnees that followed Tecumseh.

By 1805 military and legal means against the whites had failed the Shawnee. Techumseh had begun to make a name for himself among the whites as well as the Native Americas as a pragmatic, eloquent, and intelligent leader. His practical leadership soon became necessary as followers of Tenskwatawa (Shawnee Prophet, Tecumseh's younger brother) flocked to his village. While Tenskwatawa was instigating a spiritual revival, Tecumseh began to instigate a political movement that was no less revolutionary. The basis of Tecumseh's political philosophy was the recognition of the dire threat the whites posed to all Native Americans. He believed that no treaty or border or land agreement would successfully protect the land and the native peoples against the consuming greed of the whites. The only way to combat this threat was for all Indian tribes to unite - not in a loose temporary confederation with each tribe under their own governance as was the norm, but in a single political body with unified leadership. This way if the whites wanted to purchase land or draw up a treaty, they would not be able to play one tribe against the other as they had in the past but instead would have to deal with a political body that represented the interests of all the tribes. If the whites wished to make war, they would have to face an enormous army comprising all the warriors of all the Indian tribes. This felt Tecumseh, was the only way for the Native Americans to successfully protect what land and resources they still had.

On October 5, 1813, Tecumseh and his forces, along side the British forces commanded by General Henry Proctor met with american invaders under the command of William Henry Harrison (future president). Harrison directed his forces to charge the British flank first,and the British lines instantly crumpled and retreated. Proctor leading the way. In contrast, the Native Americans fought doggedly, but they were forced to retreat, leaving their casualties on the battlefield to be retrieved later and buried during the long jourmey back to their villages. Among those casualties - as he had predicted the night before to his followers - was the 44-year-old Tecumseh. No one knows who fired the fatal bullet. Many took credit. With the great Shawnee chief gone ( his body never found, was said to have been removed and buried in a secret location by his men), the dream of a grand alliance was shattered.

Tecumseh's warnings about the threat the whites posed proved truer than even he could imagine. His portrait hangs in many Shawnee homes today, not so much for his predictions as for his willingness to stand up to the whites and defend his culture, his land, and his people. Numerous legends have cropped up around Tecumseh's life, describing a veritable god among men with superhuman strength, amazing magical powers, and saintlike compassion. But while some of the stories are no doubt exaggerated, it cannot be denied that Tecumseh was, in the words of Bill Gilbert, " a hero, a noble man of nature, and one who was right."

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Don't Hate Nothing At All, Except Hatred

"It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"
..... Bob Dylan

Darkness at the break of noon
Shadows even the silver spoon
The handmade blade, the child's balloon
Eclipses both the sun and moon
To understand you know too soon
There is no sense in trying.

Pointed threats, they bluff with scorn
Suicide remarks are torn
From the fool's gold mouthpiece
The hollow horn plays wasted words
Proves to warn
That he not busy being born
Is busy dying.

Temptation's page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover
That you'd just be
One more person crying.

So don't fear if you hear
A foreign sound to your ear
It's alright, Ma, I'm only sighing.

As some warn victory, some downfall
Private reasons great or small
Can be seen in the eyes of those that call
To make all that should be killed to crawl
While others say don't hate nothing at all
Except hatred.

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Made everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much
Is really sacred.

While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred-dollar plates
Goodness hides behind its gates
But even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have
To stand naked.

An' though the rules of the road have been lodged
It's only people's games that you got to dodge
And it's alright, Ma, I can make it.

Advertising signs that con you
Into thinking you're the one
That can do what's never been done
That can win what's never been won
Meantime life outside goes on
All around you.

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear
That somebody thinks
They really found you.

A question in your nerves is lit
Yet you know there is no answer fit to satisfy
Insure you not to quit
To keep it in your mind and not fergit
That it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to.

Although the masters make the rules
For the wise men and the fools
I got nothing, Ma, to live up to.

For them that must obey authority
That they do not respect in any degree
Who despise their jobs, their destinies
Speak jealously of them that are free
Cultivate their flowers to be
Nothing more than something
They invest in.

While some on principles baptized
To strict party platform ties
Social clubs in drag disguise
Outsiders they can freely criticize
Tell nothing except who to idolize
And then say God bless him.

While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society's pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he's in.

But I mean no harm nor put fault
On anyone that lives in a vault
But it's alright, Ma, if I can't please him.

Old lady judges watch people in pairs
Limited in sex, they dare
To push fake morals, insult and stare
While money doesn't talk, it swears
Obscenity, who really cares
Propaganda, all is phony.

While them that defend what they cannot see
With a killer's pride, security
It blows the minds most bitterly
For them that think death's honesty
Won't fall upon them naturally
Life sometimes
Must get lonely.

My eyes collide head-on with stuffed graveyards
False gods, I scuff
At pettiness which plays so rough
Walk upside-down inside handcuffs
Kick my legs to crash it off
Say okay, I have had enough
What else can you show me?

And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

You're Perfect For Me

John Cale was a member of Velvet Underground.

Do You Look For Love In Your Relationships With Others?

"The Relationship of Love and Hate"
Toby Froud © 2000

An Excerpt from:
Relationships - True Love and the Transcendence of Duality
by Kim Eng
copyright September 2004
source Eckhart Teachings

Recently, I asked Eckhart to say a few words on the ego's search for "love relationships." Our conversation quickly went deeper to touch upon some of the most profound aspects of human existence. Here's what he said:

Eckhart Tolle: What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for "I love you" and "I want you." To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of "not enough," of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.

When the ego singles something out and says "I love" this or that, it's an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special - who you thought would ultimately "save you." Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn't realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn't realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being - not being at one with yourself.

The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn't work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.

Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. The ego says surrender is not necessary because I love this person. It's an unconscious process of course. The moment you accept completely what is, something inside you emerges that had been covered up by egoic wanting. It is an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself. When that happens, a completely different kind of love is present which is not subject to love / hate. It doesn't single out one thing or person as special. It's absurd to even use the same word for it. Now it can happen that even in a normal love / hate relationship, occasionally, you enter the state of surrender. Temporarily, briefly, it happens: you experience a deeper universal love and a complete acceptance that can sometimes shine through, even in an otherwise egoic relationship. If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns. So, I'm not saying that the deeper, true love cannot be present occasionally, even in a normal love / hate relationship. But it is rare and usually short-lived.

Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges then what is. So, you can be trapped in the most painful dilemma, external or internal, the most painful feelings or situation, and the moment you accept what is, you go beyond it, you transcend it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that this is what you feel, you transcend it. It may still be there, but suddenly you are at a deeper place where it doesn't matter that much anymore.

The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.